-Last art for 2015-

-Tea machine-

-30 years ago I was born-

-Ray is 2-

-December Academics-

-Ray is 2- Birth memory-

On this date in 2013 I waddled pregnantly into our kitchen. My face looked like a warrior & I'd been in the bathtub for two days. After eating nothing but pineapple. I was admitted to the hospital where Rays experience into life began. It was a 15 hour no epidural childbirth. I remember leaving my body surrounded by the smell of warm wet plastic dirt. Rushes of water came out of me. Primal fierceness with screams like a cow came out of me. 3 1/3 hours of Pushing was a physical feat not unlike climbing a mountain! ---And then he was here. He was physically here. An epidural was placed in my back before Ray was cut out of my belly. His cries told us Ray was very alive! I held him on my chest and promised I would do everything to be his best mama. I cried and held his head with my hands that were shaking. Time stopped for I don't know how long. Then nurses wrote with a sharpie on a little construction paper Christmas tree...Ray Felix Bulock 7 pounds 7 ounces. He was swaddled and placed in a large Christmas stocking. 
 In the months that followed I lovingly called him "marshmallow seagull baby" and " my Bood"
Now he is 2. Ray Felix is 2.  I can't believe it.  Everyday I say "you are safe" "you are loved" we sing a silly song together. I stick silly stickers on our fingers and we laugh.  It's pure joy.  I'll always keep that joy. My promise to Ray.  All the joys of life. I've also got his back for all the harsh realities that unfortunately come with living on earth.  --I'll hug out your tears mama style.  I love you with all my being, Ray.  Tomorrow all your family will hold you and we'll celebrate your being born! 

-Riding the rails-

Today was a day for taking the train all day by myself. And walking around Ventura. Just to be in my favorite place. Just to get Horchata & tortilla chips.

-Skipping-

-Supervision-

-Hanukkah-

-Physical therapy-

-Drawings early December-

-College pictures and letter fragments- 2004-2006-

 -That was a very tired-sounding email that you sent me.  I imagine that you are sore and tired right now from the modern jazz dancing

-I was physically beat when I got home from school. I felt like a tylenol or pain reliever commercial.  I'm not going to start work on another sculpture tonight. Save muscle power for tommarow. My cement head is out of the mold and screwed on a sculpture stand now.

-dear chris

I am having trouble  sleeping tonight. We learned aquatint today in printmaking. Its a spray paint and acid  technique ontop of hardground.  hardground is asphalt mixed with wax. In ceramics I threw forms over and over. Then re-wedged again and started a new form. Practiced compressed cylenders etc.., theres something nice about the feeling of impermanence and flexibility when destroying and rebuilding a form. I felt like I was in a good school,

      my arms were tired the rest of the day.

I might be tired enough to sleep now ,if I dont think about anything.

 I reserched polynesian,african,and american styles of danceing today

-My aunt showed me old film footage of my dad as a kid the other night

on a skateboard with his bulldog mac.

there was verry well filmed footage of vacations to the rockies in a huge cadilac

there was family long dead now.

I will never know them.

Over dinner my aunt made a comment

"who will document our lives as we get old and live out our all american family?"

------------------- 2004-2006----------